Unsent Letters

To my love,

It feels as though, with each new loss, you emerge once again in my consciousness. Your grip is firmly tangled in the vicissitudes of my ever-changing brain. Sometimes you appear there for no particular reason at all, at least that I’ve been able to discern. Maybe you are the only thing that is constant in my mind. You, my constant. It’s funny – I didn’t believe in any of this romantic bullshit until I met you. 

The idea of falling deeply in love seemed so abstract. Life isn’t like a movie; I didn’t expect to walk into the love of my life one day. And yet, that’s exactly what you did. You literally walked into my life on the second day. I didn’t know it in that exact moment, but that was the beginning of the end for me. You are the only one I’ve ever wanted. 

I can’t begin to explain to you what a tumultuous, merciless experience this has been. Never once have you been available for me to hold, to touch. The one time I cried in your arms is the only truly intimate moment we will ever have. You have been, and will always be, my best friend. However, you will never know the pain of being a one-sided lover. The loss of you has left me feeling utterly hollow, like you carved out a part of my heart. 

Let me be clear: I have never felt any ill will towards you in any of this, and I will only ever wish you happiness in this life. I truly hope they make you happy. But if the day comes when you two get married, it will be the day my heart is truly torn apart. Until then, I will continue to love you ardently, from afar. 

All the best to you, my love.